I can’t believe that my husband was late again at our appointment for couple’s therapy. He arrived twenty minute late an invoked some silly excuse, mumbling something about a truck rental agency. As if I cared about his work at that moment! I was so annoyed with him.
I don’t know how or if we are going to make this marriage work. So far it seems we are stuck. No matter what I say, try or change, I see no effort on his side. I feel like he has lost the drive and he does not care anymore.
Sometime I wonder why did he agree for us to go talk with someone, have couples therapy, if he is not willing to work on it, to change his ways. No marriage is perfect. Nothing is always pink. To have a long healthy relationship, you need to make compromises. Both of the partners need to compromise. Otherwise it would not work.
Unfortunately, I feel like I am the only one trying to save our marriage or what’s left of it. I don’t expect to go back to what we had fifteen years ago when we got married. We changed. I simply wish that we could find a way for us to communicate properly. We turned into strangers that share a house. We’re roomies. That’s not what I signed up for! That’s not what I want. I still have feelings for him and because of it, I would like to give it one more try.
I am aware that people don’t change so easily. Generally it needs a disaster or catastrophic event to make one change. I am just hoping that for my sake, he will try at least to make things better.
I am not asking for miracles. All I want to see is that he tries. That would show me that he still cares for me. He says that he still loves me, though I don’t know what to take from that. I am not sure if it is just a phrase he got used to say, or if he actually means it. This time, I need facts, not words. Words no longer comfort me. We are passed that.
There was a time when I used to believe his promises. Not anymore. Things changed. I got burnt or felt alone in this marriage for too many times... I’m no longer falling for an empty promise. I need something more than that.